khentutz… R-E-A-D-I-N-G

January 20, 2011


In the End by Linkin Park is playing in the back ground. Some parts of the song are ringing some bell in my thoughts but then again I realized i am numb with how things are going in my corporate life. I may have not been that lucky with my current job (until tomorrow) I am blessed with other great stuff like family, loved one and friends. Sing aloud if you ever feel you have been treated unfairly in your office jobs.

The bold parts in the lyrcis struck me most as i enjoy my last two days in this office.

(It starts with)
One thing, I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on but didn’t even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
One thing, I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so (far)
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end
You kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I’ve put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I’ve put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

Soon i realized that the title i thought was wrong, but apparently Linkin Park has the song numb too. I am numb to the feeling of letting go of all the sacrifices, efforts and hard work i did for the past 5 years. Cheers to unemployment tomorrow after COB and hello Boracay Islands for vacation. I will resume job hunting after a well rested vacation.


January 19, 2011

New Beginnings

Filed under: Rumbles and Grunts — khentutz @ 6:16 am
Tags: ,

2011, a start of a new decade. As I depart from my comfort zone and venture to the unknown and uncertain real life, I take with me positive energies to help me get through the challenges I am about to face.

All good things come to an end at one point in time, but better have it ended than not experience the good stuff at all.

As a new decade, I am rethinking of what i want for the rest of my life or at least the next few years. As a starter, i hope to revive the blogging hobby i had before. So here’s a new post. Another thing is that I am finding a new job, (if you have a job to refer for a business graduate with 5-6 years working experience, please let me know) a new role to play in the corporate aspect of my life. The part of my life that will give fuel to do future things.

I find it hard to let go of the curent comfort zone i have but i am willing to risk and seek more possibilities out there. All im sure is that even if it’s a new decade, I wont let go of the close and true friends i had. I will be forever grateful of the ups and downs of friendships and all the memories in between. It’s because of them that I have developed to be a responsible and mature individual and they are among the pillars of strength (aside from God, family and loved one) when everything seems to be lost and unfair.

The past has made me realize that even you do your best, it will never be enough as life can be unfair at times. I dunno if this is true but to be successful, you need to kiss-ass or be a crab among your peers. However, i do not think i could do that, i am happy and content that I am moving forward knowing that I did my best and never wronged anyone just to be ahead and be safe.

I will never be certain what the future holds for me but I am sure, that everything will fall into the right place at the right time. I am positive that the changes i am about to undergo will help me find my purpose in life.

So i as i venture to the unknown, new career, new blogging and new routines, cheers to new beginnings!

August 11, 2009

Mr. Brightside

Filed under: Rumbles and Grunts — khentutz @ 9:11 am

This is not about the song of Killers. This is a post regarding looking on the brighter side of things.

I once received an email that the outcome of things looked on the brighter side produces greater results than being a pessimist.

There’s nothing wrong on being skeptic of the unforseeable future. We can always do contingency plans or back ups if the original fails.  Sometimes, it pays not to loose hope until the very end. After all, best results doesn’t come in handy. You need to put a lot of determination and hard work to succeed.

So what am i so positive about? I am positive that soon enough things will go on as planned for me. A happy and positive disposition has done me good for the first 24 yeras of my life. So i firmly believe that I would do well and achieve my goals soon.

OMG. Is this the middle life crisis I am having? hahahaha.

Just like Mariah and Whitney sang, there can be miracles when you believe, though hope is frail, it’s hard to kill.

August 3, 2009

Will History Repeat Itself?

In the past weeks that passed after my dreaded busy season (packed with tons of benefits) i was coerced to commute on my way home. Hinde pa ako milyonaryo para mag taxi pauwi na hinde sponsored.

There is nothing wrong in commuting. In fact, i enjoy commuting. My only fear is that, here i go again, my only convenient way of getting in and out of makati is through service shuttles. Wala naman issue dun d b? The thing is, i get close to some of them more than i should be. I am not sure if there is a law or guideline to limit one’s interaction with one another. The scenario is like this, i end up being one of the last passengers or i am seated beside the owner of the van. Then it begins. The conversation starts, then laughters and a good time. Nothing wrong with that. But then here comes to exchanging numbers. Pwede naman hinde mag reply kapag may nag text but out of hiya, a conversation starts. And before you know it, close na kami.

E anu naman kung close na kami. Eto na ung point. Masasanay ako. If i missed a day not riding their van or a miss in reply then I would start to miss them. OA? True. Yan ang hinde ko maintindihan sa sarili ko. Adik. Yes, tulad ng Adik Sa’yo ng GMA. Un nga lang sa totoong buhay.

So will history repeat itself for me? I dunno for now. Pero ayaw ko sana. Dati naman kuntento na ako na makauwi ako bakit ngaun may parang kurot na gusto lage na sumabay? hahaha. malandi ba? wala ako magagawa.

Damn, i really have to get my own car. It will eliminate the possibility of interacting with them, the leser chance of falling in infatuation. Pero hinde ko rin ginagawa. Di rin ako bibili or if meron malamang e mag co-commute pa rin ako.

And i don’t think that history will repeat itself, before the thing that i had with the shuttle guy was only clear to both of us, now we have several friends and co-passengers who happen to know the bonding and friendship that is transpiring.

So ok, this is not like the last time. Will it end the same or in a much sweeter tone? ASA.

Daily dose of landi at kilig e siguro pwede na. kaya wag na palalain. here i go again. help!

May 11, 2009

Manny Pacquiao and Our Taxes

Filed under: Desperately seeking answers,Rumbles and Grunts — khentutz @ 7:23 am

yeah, yeah, yeah. Manny Pacman Pacquiao won over Ricky Hatton. Most Filipinos have supported the pambansang kamao on his latest title fight. Even if the match lasted for barely 2 rounds, Filipinos rejoiced on Manny’s triumph. Congratulations…

And the Filipinos where back to the reality of their own problems.

Days passed.

President GMA decided to give Pacman a ceremonial thank you through a motorcade in major routes in the metro. It should have been last Friday, then moved to today (Monday) and i am not sure if it was rescheduled on Wednesday.

A plastic ribbon colored with Red, Blue and White were printed with the congratulations and bayaning Pilipino note for Pacman. It was tied up on the threes, lamp posts, street signs, fences, bridges and everywhere and anywhere men in blue can get their hands on. This ribbon as others claim, would be the route for Manny’s motorcade.

On my way to work yesterday, i was surprised that all the roads that i pass through have these ribbons waving with all smiles at me. At first i was amazed on how the men in blue were able to put these ribbons in places you can’t think of. But i suddenly realized that, the government (GMA) paid for these ribbons. Yes, the red,blue and white ribbons are the taxes withheld from my salary. Damn.

That plastic thingy hanging around with all smiles at me, are there because, we normal tax payers are giving the government funds to peruse for whatever action they may think of.

Okay, I may be a little bit over-acting here, but come to think of it. After the motorcade, where will these ribbons go? Trash? Partly correct, it will just add up to pollution for sure.

Correct, nice thinking, the money we worked hard for, became ribbons then became rubbish.

Ang saya ‘di ba? Because we wanted to congratulate Manny for winning another title belt, we had our salaries withheld and  face to face see our money become waste.

Most Filipinos shelled out money just to watch Pacman fight for barely 2 rounds. It’s not worth it right? Then comes the govt that used our taxes paid for his wlecome celebration. The Govt could have hanged 1 kilo of rice or something else that may be beneficial for the majority. Not to mention, the possible super mega traffic this motorcade may bring about.

I am not a fan or Pacman nor someone who dislikes Manny, I am just a concerned citizen that was alarmed of the ribbons used and traffic i might encounter because of Pacman’s victory. If this would happen everytime Manny wins, then I hope for Pacman’s loss next time.

And BTW, after 2 rounds of the boxing, who became rich? pacman.

us? broken due to the live watching and double broken because taxes were used for the celebration, and super loser because, we normal citizens will bear the traffic Pamcan’s motorcade will cause.

Isn’t enough that almost everyone watched him fight? Do we really need to waste money to show we appreciate his winnings?

If you find this post rude, go ahead, vote Manny as Congressman of Saranggani.

November 4, 2008


Filed under: Behind the Mask Encounters,Rumbles and Grunts — khentutz @ 9:12 am

My blog was dormant for quite some time but thanks to a search engine, I always get a hit/view more than as expected. And today, I want to thank that engine as a person in my same office finally found and read my blog. There’s is nothing to worry about any posts or whatever but i was amazed how internet is really an information highway, or speed zone if i may say.

There he was, early this morning I got a ym from my teammate, asking if I write stuff online. I said yes and due to my stupidity of choosing the same name of our xmas party theme in my post, he was able to read through. This incidence is just a proof that it’s a very small world after all.

I’m not worried or concerned of whatever was published online but I am a little embarrased for some details disclosed here, if he was very close to me, then it wouldn’t be a problem, and maybe, just maybe, he could use what was written as a way to annoy me. (Takot e no)

O well, read on my dear officemate, saying your name would be too much exposure for you. Be thankful, i had a post for you, if you will read all my posts, only the deserving of my love and interest gets their name or initials published. Hahaha. As if you care. Anyhow, see you around our office. 😛

October 17, 2008

Passing By

Filed under: Desperately seeking answers,Rumbles and Grunts — khentutz @ 6:20 am

Just like the wind that swiftly blows around us, i am passing by my blog. It has been more than a month since my last post and update. Several things happened but just the same am still khentutz in the blogosphere.

There were those tempting days when I’d love to blog, but before i could even start a post, tinatamad ako. Not that i don’t want to blog anymore but I seem to lack the energy to type what my heart and mind tells me.

As a gist, i am no longer with the one i call hubby due to some reasons i can’t comprehend until now. BBTF with DM. And this time, i think it’s sweeter and better. I’m into travel trips and music as of the moment. I got back to being a dvd guy and home bud ulit. But im still struggling to get back the blogger me.

So here i am, trying to make sense, trying to blog and hopeful to get the energy to blog i used to have.

July 10, 2008

Bitter or Pathetic?

These two are choices when someone is falling in love or already in love. it’s either they become bitter of a relationship or patethic just to have a relationship. OR it’s just me. 😦

There are certain times whenever i am in a circumstance of people in love or on the act of falling in love even my dearest friends, i feel bitter. Disagreeing with their moments of love and instead say that they will fall apart soon and what they share will never last.  I would even suggest that, whenever the other party is not making their presence known, they are with somebody else. Whenever i see a couple looking good together, i say to myself that they are sweet for not but not in the long run. I dunno why am i so bitter at times? maybe because i haven’t had my share of a love that lasted for quite some time? I lost faith in love, that it conquers all? Or simply because i am jealous, that i am single? hmmm.

On the part of being pathetic, sometimes people in love would risk almost everything they had to keep their lovers on their side. So patethic that they (I) will focus their efforts and time on them to build their own world even if they sense their love is about to give up and is taken by somebody else. More pathetic by attributing every event to their partner and make these events as omens of their relationship.

 The only thing that is same for being bitter or pathetic is that you end up losing. Losing a chance to have the best possible future and love. Or losing your loving self and end up not having someone to be your partner, your loved one.

June 24, 2008

One Night Only

LSS fever. I was singing this song since the storm/typhoon Frank hit Manila. One night only, one night only. Although i am not sure of what am i asking for this one night. Maybe, one night of a wholesome date, one night of swimming, one night of DVD marathon, or one night of intimacy. I dunno. And so I searched for the lyrics of the song as it might help me figure out why do i sing this song over and over again.

I got this one

You want all my love and my devotion
You want my loving soul right on the line
I had no doubt that I could love you forever
The only trouble is I really don’t have the time

I’ve got one night only
One night only
That’s all I have to spare
One night only
Let’s not pretend you care

Then i laughed. During my LSS all i can sing is one night only, one night only and now i sang the whole song. I think i had this song on my mind over and over again because i can love a person i choose to love but i don’t have the time as of the moment and all i can offer is just one night. Hmm. I had several names in my head but i can’t seem to figure out who he is. Am i this insensitive nowadays??? Someone likes me but i am clueless and just offers one night of my life??? Sino kaya sya… Baka ikaw yun. Hehe. Kung ikaw man, send me a message. 😛 Or may be i am convincing myself that i am not falling in love and just wants a one night stand. Hmmm.

June 23, 2008

Falling In Love The Wrong Way.. edited last part.

After DM and I parted ways, I found myself lost in space and back to my parallel universe. At first, i just wanted to be a drunkard and escape the reality that i was rejected. Okay, i cried. A lot. Then tons of beers and cocktails. Then i started to get out. I thought i retired from the gimik scene but NO, i was into it now. Before, i usually go gimik with straight ones, but now, as i have embraced my sexuality to its fullest extent, i was able to overcome my fear of going into PLU gimik scene. The sweet escape i found was El Nuevo Boracay1 in Tomas Morato (Closed for the whole month of June, in the process of relocating to E. Rodriguez near Fahrenheit).

I’ve met a lot of nice guys/PLUs in the gimik scene, i dated a couple of them for quite sometime and even had a short time relationship with a chinese guy who believes he has a strong personality and gets what he wants all the time. He rushed that i make a commitment with him after 6-7 times of wholesome dating, when i finally said ok, let’s try it out, he then suddenly become cold and asked for a break up. Wheew.

Anyway, I wasn’t that bothered since i just dated him for a couple of times and the relationship is not yet heavily founded. But thanks to him that i realized, i am not in love with the person but with the thought of falling in love and having a partner for life.  Sometimes, i get confused if i love the person or just the thought of having a partner. Maybe that could be a reason why relationships doesn’t work. People get blinded by love, not knowing that they do not really love the person but just the thought of having a relationship, they may be good friends but not as lovers.

As for me, someone is making his comeback, but i dunno yet if love would be sweeter the second time around, i am still dating others (i mean i am open to date invites) and would want to understand more about myself and love. Oh well, as they say, it is better to love and get hurt than not to love at all 😛

Hhmm, i suddenly remembered, where was i last year of the same date? 🙂 A smiled emerged from me and started to sing a love song. Keep bleeding love… 🙂

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