khentutz… R-E-A-D-I-N-G

August 3, 2009

Will History Repeat Itself?

In the past weeks that passed after my dreaded busy season (packed with tons of benefits) i was coerced to commute on my way home. Hinde pa ako milyonaryo para mag taxi pauwi na hinde sponsored.

There is nothing wrong in commuting. In fact, i enjoy commuting. My only fear is that, here i go again, my only convenient way of getting in and out of makati is through service shuttles. Wala naman issue dun d b? The thing is, i get close to some of them more than i should be. I am not sure if there is a law or guideline to limit one’s interaction with one another. The scenario is like this, i end up being one of the last passengers or i am seated beside the owner of the van. Then it begins. The conversation starts, then laughters and a good time. Nothing wrong with that. But then here comes to exchanging numbers. Pwede naman hinde mag reply kapag may nag text but out of hiya, a conversation starts. And before you know it, close na kami.

E anu naman kung close na kami. Eto na ung point. Masasanay ako. If i missed a day not riding their van or a miss in reply then I would start to miss them. OA? True. Yan ang hinde ko maintindihan sa sarili ko. Adik. Yes, tulad ng Adik Sa’yo ng GMA. Un nga lang sa totoong buhay.

So will history repeat itself for me? I dunno for now. Pero ayaw ko sana. Dati naman kuntento na ako na makauwi ako bakit ngaun may parang kurot na gusto lage na sumabay? hahaha. malandi ba? wala ako magagawa.

Damn, i really have to get my own car. It will eliminate the possibility of interacting with them, the leser chance of falling in infatuation. Pero hinde ko rin ginagawa. Di rin ako bibili or if meron malamang e mag co-commute pa rin ako.

And i don’t think that history will repeat itself, before the thing that i had with the shuttle guy was only clear to both of us, now we have several friends and co-passengers who happen to know the bonding and friendship that is transpiring.

So ok, this is not like the last time. Will it end the same or in a much sweeter tone? ASA.

Daily dose of landi at kilig e siguro pwede na. kaya wag na palalain. here i go again. help!

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July 29, 2008

Old School

Filed under: Cheesy, Mushy Me,In a Relationship — khentutz @ 8:29 am
Tags: , , ,

Long before technology invented online diaries, journal and blogs, sentimental persons keep their record of important events hand written or type written then compiled as a single book/let. It is the same as a blog except that, only those persons whom you show it would have access to it. This old school blog would also be a laugh trip when someone you knew accidentally find it and read it. Well maybe that’s from my perspective.

I used to write diaries before. My first diary was conventional but i didn’t start my entries with Dear Diary, i just wrote the date, the specific moment or outburst of emotions and everything else that i can’t blurt out to anyone. It ranged from great happpenings in school, frustrations, to chit chats with friends, to tampo moments for getting reprimanded, to crushes, to fantasies to escapades and all. What made it special is that, after getting tired of my diary i misplaced it. And kaboom. My evil elder brother keeps on teasing me, i had no idea at first but when it sank in, i knew he read it from my previous diary. And the joke was on me. To add it up, during one of the overnight stays with my high school friends, they found it and read it all at once and memorized all the controversial notes and teased me. Laugh trip it is as i look back on it.

My next accounts of privacy were kept with utmost care. It was not just a diary, it was a stalker’s diary. Yes, i was a stalker before. This particular written document included detailed list about my crushes. OO, marami ako talaga crush nung bata ako. It recorded seemingly moments with my crush. Seemingly because, it may be true or not, what was written was just in my perspective. Just to give you an example, when my crush# 1 happened to look to my direction, i assumed that he noticed me and tried to have an eye contact. True or False? i still don’t know, but the only thing clear is that, i have recorded the times i saw my crush, had nil to little interaction and the hopes of having them as lover or partner. Well that was before.

Another version of my accord is the fling book. Those whom i loved sincerely had their own journals (to date, i only have 3 AT, DM and HUBBY ) The short termed “Syotas” were recorded, puppy love, infatuated relationships, quasi relationships and MUs. What amuses me until know is that i put their name on the list when i have strong emotions for them, and when i look back today, i find myself laughing my hearts out as my description of them was really hilarious. I recall one, “I love AM because he fetches me everyday to school. He brought the best in me because he reviews me before every exam.”

Leading me to the rationale of this post. I was not able to blog again, because my HUBBY made me felt that he deserves his own journal, the old school way. A recorded memory of the times we shared and will stillshare in the future. I lost track of my blog as i wrote everything the old school way.  I decided not to blog more about HUBBY as i would like to keep our relationship private. I felt that whatever intimacy we have, it’s ours and i can’t just share it without his consent. OO, mahirap at effort talaga pero para sa hubby ko e gagawin ko! Un oh. Super cheesy. 😛  Unlike DM, i poured my emotions blogging what we had, although hinde rin lahat, baka kce ma Rated-R ako bigla e. Well lalo pa ngaun with my HUBBY. So if you are wondering where i am this past few days, this is the culprit, my diary for my hubby.  One copy is mine and one copy for him. I love the prints on the notebook. 🙂

P.S.

Arriba Letran for tomorrow’s game against Beda. Me and my HUBBY will be there 😛

July 17, 2008

Officially Taken

Filed under: Cheesy, Mushy Me,In a Relationship — khentutz @ 8:18 am

Oh Yes! You read it correctly. I am officially taken (again).  But happily taken if i may say. 🙂

After all the drama, the commotion with my previous dates (not in a bad way or sorts, just some kind of misunderstanding), someone finally swept me off my feet and made me feel special the best way he can. So after several, dates, chatting, talking and bonding, WE decided to be official. It was a mutual decision, we looked into the signs of having a relationship and we excitedly answered each one yes, then we looked at each other, smiled and we saw hearts and and kisses from each other’s eyes and the rest was history. Yun oh, cheesy at mushy ako. Am proud of it, and as part of being proud with my hubby, I am letting the world i live in know that i am now taken.

Yes, no vacancies for flirtation and sorts na. Sa mga kumarir at kinakarir ko e, friends na lang tayo. Mukhang hinde rin naman matutuloy sa isang romantic relationship mga pinagsamahan natin e. Talagang MGA ang term ko e, hehehe. We may have clicked and started a spark but not enough to get ourselves in a relationship.

Inspite of all the uncertainty and fear of getting hurt, my hubby and me bravely stepped one step forward to celebrate and enjoy what we share. However, in as much as i wanted to share my hubby name, i opted not to tell you to respect his privacy, although i can tell you his nickname: honey, hubby, mahal, tart, sweetie. hehe 😛

And in fairview to him, hubby was the only one who convinced my naughty gay community accounts to be tagged as taken and tell that i am in a relationship. Yun, mushy na kung mushy.

Hay gusto ko ikwento lahat ng dates namin and mga pinaggagawa before we ended up together. Wala naman x-rated pero tama na ang langit at mga ulap bilang saksi sa aming lambingan kwentuhan at masasayang sandali. Himala, taglish ang post ko, maybe, just maybe, love really moves in mysterious ways.

Hey Hubby, in case you are reading this now. i heart you :*

July 10, 2008

Bitter or Pathetic?

These two are choices when someone is falling in love or already in love. it’s either they become bitter of a relationship or patethic just to have a relationship. OR it’s just me. 😦

There are certain times whenever i am in a circumstance of people in love or on the act of falling in love even my dearest friends, i feel bitter. Disagreeing with their moments of love and instead say that they will fall apart soon and what they share will never last.  I would even suggest that, whenever the other party is not making their presence known, they are with somebody else. Whenever i see a couple looking good together, i say to myself that they are sweet for not but not in the long run. I dunno why am i so bitter at times? maybe because i haven’t had my share of a love that lasted for quite some time? I lost faith in love, that it conquers all? Or simply because i am jealous, that i am single? hmmm.

On the part of being pathetic, sometimes people in love would risk almost everything they had to keep their lovers on their side. So patethic that they (I) will focus their efforts and time on them to build their own world even if they sense their love is about to give up and is taken by somebody else. More pathetic by attributing every event to their partner and make these events as omens of their relationship.

 The only thing that is same for being bitter or pathetic is that you end up losing. Losing a chance to have the best possible future and love. Or losing your loving self and end up not having someone to be your partner, your loved one.

June 24, 2008

One Night Only

LSS fever. I was singing this song since the storm/typhoon Frank hit Manila. One night only, one night only. Although i am not sure of what am i asking for this one night. Maybe, one night of a wholesome date, one night of swimming, one night of DVD marathon, or one night of intimacy. I dunno. And so I searched for the lyrics of the song as it might help me figure out why do i sing this song over and over again.

I got this one

You want all my love and my devotion
You want my loving soul right on the line
I had no doubt that I could love you forever
The only trouble is I really don’t have the time

I’ve got one night only
One night only
That’s all I have to spare
One night only
Let’s not pretend you care

Then i laughed. During my LSS all i can sing is one night only, one night only and now i sang the whole song. I think i had this song on my mind over and over again because i can love a person i choose to love but i don’t have the time as of the moment and all i can offer is just one night. Hmm. I had several names in my head but i can’t seem to figure out who he is. Am i this insensitive nowadays??? Someone likes me but i am clueless and just offers one night of my life??? Sino kaya sya… Baka ikaw yun. Hehe. Kung ikaw man, send me a message. 😛 Or may be i am convincing myself that i am not falling in love and just wants a one night stand. Hmmm.

June 23, 2008

Falling In Love The Wrong Way.. edited last part.

After DM and I parted ways, I found myself lost in space and back to my parallel universe. At first, i just wanted to be a drunkard and escape the reality that i was rejected. Okay, i cried. A lot. Then tons of beers and cocktails. Then i started to get out. I thought i retired from the gimik scene but NO, i was into it now. Before, i usually go gimik with straight ones, but now, as i have embraced my sexuality to its fullest extent, i was able to overcome my fear of going into PLU gimik scene. The sweet escape i found was El Nuevo Boracay1 in Tomas Morato (Closed for the whole month of June, in the process of relocating to E. Rodriguez near Fahrenheit).

I’ve met a lot of nice guys/PLUs in the gimik scene, i dated a couple of them for quite sometime and even had a short time relationship with a chinese guy who believes he has a strong personality and gets what he wants all the time. He rushed that i make a commitment with him after 6-7 times of wholesome dating, when i finally said ok, let’s try it out, he then suddenly become cold and asked for a break up. Wheew.

Anyway, I wasn’t that bothered since i just dated him for a couple of times and the relationship is not yet heavily founded. But thanks to him that i realized, i am not in love with the person but with the thought of falling in love and having a partner for life.  Sometimes, i get confused if i love the person or just the thought of having a partner. Maybe that could be a reason why relationships doesn’t work. People get blinded by love, not knowing that they do not really love the person but just the thought of having a relationship, they may be good friends but not as lovers.

As for me, someone is making his comeback, but i dunno yet if love would be sweeter the second time around, i am still dating others (i mean i am open to date invites) and would want to understand more about myself and love. Oh well, as they say, it is better to love and get hurt than not to love at all 😛

Hhmm, i suddenly remembered, where was i last year of the same date? 🙂 A smiled emerged from me and started to sing a love song. Keep bleeding love… 🙂

February 19, 2008

Those were the Days

Looking back on my past and blogging year i had a bunch of emotions and questions on my posts. Admittedly, it was almost about DM and few other persons who have been dear and somewhat special to me. My blogging days stopped the moment a period has been written on my DM blogs. Actually, it is not a period, it was more of an ellipsis(…) the two other periods was just far away from the first one. And from the truest definition of an ellipsis, it denotes that there is more to come. True enough, the story of our friendship went on. New discoveries and insights about each other came out almost everyday. Affirmation and approval came out in a most unexpected circumstance, and from that i was more eager to do whatever it takes to preserve and prolong the bond we shared.

 Our arguments, episodes of drama, and away-bati moments reached its peak. Confrontation and compromised happened. Then we are in good terms again. Soon after the good days, comes our episode again. New topic, new disagreement. With my hopes still alive, we are still doing our best to keep in touch and patch things up. The kilig moments still come but not as frequent as before. Ahhh, those were the days. But being in a social relationship, i am never assured that things will change as planned and as i hoped for. I learned from our past grammy-award winning episodes and i’m religiously doing my best not to do the same old mistakes that almost resulted to a loss of friendship, relationship and companionship.

Those maybe the days of havig too much fun and all, but things and persons change and i should be able to adapt to it and hold on to what i love. You may not be as vocal and expressive on your feelings but your actions and lifestyle lets me know of how much you value the things we share and you too, are willing to adapt to our changing worlds. Thank you for sticking with me and for the things you are doing despite of my knowledge and for subconsciously letting me know that i am very special to you. The period sometime ago opened a new and deeper relationship with you instead of putting our story to an end.

January 10, 2008

Period

Every good thing has its end and for me my DM world ended last Jan. 8. Surprising as it may seem, we wanted different things and now we live separate ways. Just like in a sentence, it usually ends with a period. DM wrote our period already. All i have is the hope that after a period in a paragraph a new sentence will start a new. I’ll miss my baby DM. Period.

January 4, 2008

2008

Filed under: Cheesy, Mushy Me,Desperately seeking answers — khentutz @ 8:51 am

After weeks of settling in and making the necessary adjustments, i finally had time to revisit my blog. Lots of things has transpired in less than a month since i got back. My most loved ex-lover made his way to find me, meet up with me and spend some time together. No, there were no reconciliations or whatever. Too bad, he doesn’t want to continue our friendship and was gone again in just an instant. DM is still around, i dunno if what we have and share is better now than before. I don’t have the proper gauge to know the difference.  All i know is that, i miss him badly and still love him. As part of my new year’s resolution, i decided to stop smoking. From Jan. 1-3, i didn’t smoke. Today, jan 4, at about 300pm i puffed and felt that i really don’t want to smoke anymore. Good bye to West Ice and Marlboro Lights. Another change would be the ardent desire to save some and budget my cash flows the best way i can. I have created by cash in and out balances to see the patterns of spending and how can i possibly mitigate expenses, increase savings and have enough money for the big purchases this year. For those who are interested to see some of my pictures during my US trip, feel free to browse my multiply site, http://khentutz.multiply.com. This is it for now. I miss DM.

November 20, 2007

Against All Odds

Filed under: Cheesy, Mushy Me,Desperately seeking answers — khentutz @ 10:24 am

The travel opportunity to work in our US office stressed and harassed me for the past weeks. Pressures from the day’s workload, magnified by the toil of completing the needed documents and stuff for the trip, and the complexity of life made an episode of itself.

 My expedite request for passport was turned down and was left with the regular overtime processing of 7 working days, the availability of visa interview was pretty jammed and the confirmed flight was cancelled on the last minute. talk about misfortunes, i felt very unlucky the past few days. My trip will push through however, my departure depends on the consul of the US embassy if he or she will allow me to wait for my visa tomorrow on the same day of my visa interview. My worst case scenario would be, i wont make it to my supposed to be Nov. 23 645am Northwest Airlines flight, rather take the 1200am Korean Air flight and get to our hotel one day delayed. On the brightside, at least i was still able to make to make it in time for my training and the all-expense paid trip by our company. It was a scene of against all odds, starting with the Pregnant Staff on the director’s office of DFA, who looked only on the date of our flight and have not cared to listen to our plea of a request for an expedite processing of passport. I kidding swore that her offspring would be a bad kid and would give her headaches for not giving us a shot to explain how bad we need our passports to be processed. On that same day, we followed the nomral process hopefully thinking that we will make it to the trip. With only a matter of days after the scheduled interview of my teammates, i finally got hold of a slot to be interviewed, but damn. Nov. 22 is a US holiday and their offices will be closed. My flight is the morning of 23 and the US embassy will be closed on the 22nd so there’s a little chance of me obtaining a visa in a one day process.

 I almost lost hope but i stood firm and held on to the dimming hope i had. So here it goes, i’ll rest now hoping that my interview with the consul tomorrow will be ok and i’ll be able to leave on the 23rd. Pray for me. hehe.

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