You can’t have it all. The moment i admitted i have fallen in-love with DM (ngaun ko lang naisip, dream man? haha) I suddenly lose my powers of flirtation. Have you ever experienced that drastic change in yourself when you have accepted the fact you are loving someone already? From one moment you are Mr. All Smile and accomodating then after being in-love you became the oblivious and ignorant, uncapable of catching the opportunity to get laid with horny, yummy, and attractive fishes around you. Is it really that way? Or it happened because I’m making myself believe that it’s the right thing to do? I wondered if that change is innate. What do you think?
When i haven’t admitted freely and religiosuly my love for DM, my gay-radar and eagle-sight never failed me to have few moments of flirtation and admiration. I flash a smile back at PLUs smiling, whenever, wherever. I follow through a stranger’s stare until we become confident to approach and chat (at least in cases i felt attracted to that person even in just one aspect). In timid and play safe scenarios with a PLU i do my best to allow the other to make a bigger first move than me. I let the situation to flourish and develop, but when i faced the truth, these senses were lost in an instant. Since last friday, i missed a lot of PLUs that dared to make a move. I’ve denied every attempt to smile and gaze back. The doors to adventure and beyond was locked. Whenever i felt a PLU makes a move on me, i turn away, avoid them and live my quiet life alone or stay with my friends. I then lost my appetite to make a look with cutie, hottie yuppies in makati.
Am i this way whenever i am in love? can you please tell me if you are like this on the first few moments of falling in love with a new person in your life? Is this really normal, for me to lose touch of the gay skills i have developed and mastered in my 22 years of existence?
However, impossible it may seem, i was happy losing my touch to flirtatiously connect with others. It makes life easier and safer. You know what i mean. The truth of admitting i fell in love with him, magically helped my zit to heal fast, my LSS to be gone. I think the truth sets us free…
Just now, i realized that i haven’t really lose my touch, i opted not to use it because of a strong feeling that ionically bonded with principles and knowledge. I can still do the flirtations i want but i choose not to. It’s not for him, but for me. I dunno how he feels towards me as of this moment or how he sees me in his life, what matters for me now is that he takes time for me in his busy day, nothing more expected of him. this falling in love with him, is a personal issue, it’s my problem not his. Though i am not seeing it as a problem but an opportunity to know myself better. Now i’m losing my touch to blog. I am no longer coherent. Hahaha. DM looked really attractive today with our merienda, before, rainy days makes me feel lonely, but this rainy day, i spent it with DM, not forever but for a time i know belonged to us… cheesy, mushy me.
