Equilibrium

Not until mink commented on my fun day stuffs, i almost forgot one of the most improtant theories i learned as an economist, equilibrium.

I may have heightened happiness, fun and enjoyment now, but a bad omen haunts me that someday soon, i’ll be on a state of heightened loneliness or sadness. Everyday creates more doors of fun and possibilities for me now, and i’m loving all of it. What if they end so soon and i run out of things to enjoy and possibilities to take? do i need to take one of the possibilities now, be aggressive and assertive the way i was before or hold on to my new routine of trying things differently?
What if i grab the oppurtunity but there is something better coming soon?
Grrr… Can’t there be a 100 percent happiness?

You may contend that happiness is a decision one makes, true enough but i dunno. i suddenly become wordless. Frustration once again peeks from the walls of fun and happiness.

Does everything that goes up, goes down??? Why should things be in equilibrium in order to maximize the scarce resources?

Thinking again, i don’t have all at the moment, i just highlighted the fun parts of my days as my busy work season ended. There are still my miseries and worries. I’m just a little above my equilibrium. My pareto optimum argument is still valid, that i can be better off still without making someone worse off. And that’s my case now. Wheeew.

For a moment i thought i was doomed and had second thoughts on making a blog about the tail part of the fun days. I think it shouldn’t be called fun day anymore, it was crush day for me. I just wish at this moment i could lessen our interaction and be a little aloof, sooner or later one will fall and i am really bothered it might be me. Friends should be friends. nothing more. It would be too much to ask to have something better with my two-year crush when he offered himself already for a great and superb friendship. Good thing, he is not reading this one. hahaha.

this equilibrium talk gave reality a chance to bite me once again. Hmmm.. should i post the fun day activities only or have the crush days be posted as well? lemme me think about it…

Fun Days 2-5 The Fun never stopped

Fun Day 1. June 18 Monday, 10pm onwards
See previous posts.

Fun Day 2. June 19, Tuesday, 9pm moving forward
History repeats itself but better this time except for the other viewer who was more persistent than me. Anyhow, I had fun for at least the first five hours and got pissed on the sixth. Distance and privacy was not an issue. As you know, details are history.

Fun Day 3. June 20. Wednesday, EDSA, R. Galeria, Caloocan, Since 2pm until midnight
I am on leave after months of tedious and frustrating days at work. I woke up a little late, watched QAF once again, my college friend phoned me and fetched me by 2 pm at my abode. The fun part is that the car we used is banned from the streets because of the coding implementation. We raced against vehicles along EDSA and successfully managed to reach Ortigas before any MMDA or Police have the chance to issue as a ticket for a traffic violation. Strolled and shopped for hours at Robinsons Galeria, drank coffee, puffed several sticks, boy watched while smoking, walking and chatting to friend. By 7pm we flew to Caloocan to celebrate our College Professor’s natal day. College guys are still hotties for me. I had fun as I bonded with my college barkada and fellow SALAKOT alumni.

Fun Day 4. June 21. Thursday, 3pm onwards
Back to office mode, I suddenly remembered that our team will go and see Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer @ gateway by 440 pm. Road trip to the mall was fun with my manager. The unlimited popcorn, sodas and nice lazy boy seats were not enough to outweigh Human torch’s yummy body.  After the movie, we drove back to Makati and proceeded to Mandarin Hotel’s Paseo Uno for the team dinner. I ate till I drop. That was fun, I noticed that I am still a fan of seafoods. Yum yum, but then again not quite as good compared to human torch. There were a few cute guys there but all I cared for that night was food. I was really full and smoked three sticks in a row just to feel normal again.

Fun Day 5 June 22. Friday, 9pm onwards
After the excitement and fun for the planning of our team weekend, we decided to unstress ourselves once again. Not to mention the fun I had, sending my shuttle guy crush messages to confirm the van rental and the shocking news of being able to drive and come with us finally. As a bird watcher that night, I grouped all my strength to finally get my bird’s details. I was lucky enough and it was a good move, we bonded, got to know each other better and sorts. Then history followed. A text message from the bird and my crush completed my week and gave me a good smile as I dozed off withouth packing my things yet.

Fun Day 6 June 23 House, Text, Dive Solana, Room Six, Double’s bed. 545am onwards
Fun day 6-8 deserves a whole page each. I’ll try to put in as much details as I can. I’ll categorize it to my crush course as I had a wonderful time with my shuttle guy crush for three straight days. This is really fun. Sex and fun are really different, I may have fun when I do the thing but I can have fun without doing IT. And it was the best and among the happiest times of my life. Things happen for a reason. I’ll found out why.

Fun Fun Fun.. the Fun never stops

Fun day 1 has a series of events and circumstances that followed. In as much as i would like to blog them i am having so much fun. But just a gist, since fun day 1, the fun didn’t stopped. Tomorrow, i’ll be with my shuttle guy crush for two years for our team weekend getaway in Dive Solana. I’ll try to post my fun days on the next days to come. Cheers!

Regards to Thetripper, DK, South Dude, Mink and Kiddo. wala lang. hahahaha. adik mode na ako.  will post every fun day i had. see you! i still have to pack my things:)

Fun Day 1: Flying back to the Bird

Yesterday was the official mark that the custom japanese season is over. Me and my colleagues suddenly smiled all day, looked forward to our vacations, get aways, and night outs. And speaking of night outs. together with my two friend colleagues, we flew to the nest of white bird.

915pm, Hap Chang Tea House, Roxas Blvd. the stench of garbage is all over the place, we hurriedly stepped in the restaurant for a snack before flying with the birds. We ate noodles and dimsums, yum yum. We didin’t notice it’s 11 pm already, the birds have started to launch and be free.

1105pm, I’m back to White Bird. Sat on a very comfy couch with a nice view of performers. the show was good except for some who doesn’t look that good and doesn’t dance that nice. true enough a bus-load of koreans stood up and packed up. Poor thing. Well i can’t blame him, he can’t make a crowd stay long enough. haha. As the performances continued my eyes searched the two birds i have spotted the last time i was there. I was not lucky because i haven’t seen them in the first few acts i have watched. But the Wendell Ramos look alike was really good, eye-candy. I listed him on the possible date in my table that night. But i waited. Soon, a tall, dark, handsome, filipino looking bird caught my attention. I was shy to say that i would want him in my table bu tmy friends knew. And in a few moment, we’re talking and seating side by side. Hahaha. And the rest is history……. if only i can’t call it a night and spend more time there. I enjoyed his company. haha. ewan ko ba.

I had so much fun last night, i’d be back to the nest soon and see that gorgeous bird that started my celebration just right.:)

I realized some moronic ideas when i was there: (no offense to others)

1. Koreans are great fans of filipino dancers

2. A rubber is used to hold the flag position while dancing

3. I’m attracted to filipino beauty and simplicity

4. maarte ako.

5. doubled smoking capacity

6. hinde lahat ng gwapo ay makikita sa magagara at mamahaling mga lugar

7. bawal magstay ng sobra, may pasok bukas

8. love begets love, hmmm , too cheesy, an eye for an eye is much better

9. happiness is subjective.

10. i am happy, free and will return to fly with the bird i met…

Proxy Over

At last, after 15 days of straight workday, 4 months of stress, fatigue and frustration, it has come finally to an end. Though not yet over, but the workload dropped and all we have to do is wrap up the few things left to do. And starting this week, i have come back to life, our team will have it’s weekend getaway for the hardship and toil we dedicated in the office. I am not excited of the team getaway but with the possibility of hiring again my shuttle guy’s(crush #1) van and the possibility of being with us this weekend. Hahaha. though i think we would not use his van, a little sign of hope is better than nothing at all.

Proxy over would translate to free weekend schedules, more time to watch my long due dvds, read books, sleep as much as i can and travel. I’m on the process of plotting dates and places on my itenerary. proxy over would also mean, me having more time to update my blog and more time to mingle and befriend singles like me. haha

But as i pondered of thoughts of getting over, i may have been used to not being with MAF or communicate with him, but the other night and yesterday, it all came back, the memories, good time together, the laughs, serious talks, hang outs and the love we shared. I thought that after indulging myself and succumb to the emptiness and pathetic state i could accept his absence. My tears fell once again last night, missing MAF more than ever. I know he is happy with his life now, i am too. i guess it’s not just proxy over for me, but MAF over as well. game over.

Father’s Day

In one way or another, most PLUs attribute partly or wholly their transformation to a not-straight sexual orientation. Some had a bad experience such as being physically attacked when they were young, some got departed, some we’re ignored as they grew, some we’re forced to art school and sorts.

Only few may have their perfect fathers in their lives. But having a father is enough for me, he may have not given me all i need when i was growing but he gave me the best set of values, principles and most importantly my education. I have known some people who are distant and aloof with their fathers, some are even angered by the thought of having them in their lives but hey, if not for our father’s we may have not experienced life and its craziness.

My father worked abroad when i was three turning to four years old, he came back when i was twelve. The longing of a fatherly image and attention explains how i manage my life today and how i long for someone. Though he was able to fill the times that was missed, the stigma as a child longing for a fatherly love remained in me. When he was back from abroad, it became vivid that i love the same kind.

My point is, im just glad my father gave life to me and he was my father, not anyone else, this is for you dad, for your hardships, sacrifices and the efforts you did for the betterment of our family. May you live longer and enjoy life.

I’ll expound on this blog soon, i’m just tired from work. Actually i’m still at work. Sunday, 10pm.

I dread that someone expressed his intentions to know me better but he never followed up with his actions. You know who you are. Well i guess that’s life. See you around.

Fantastic 4: #002 – Ogilvy Crush

June 16, saturday, I’m still in the office, worked straight without restday since June 4. I’m tired. the tripper made me envious of having time to watch fantastic 4… grr.. i didn’t went out last night, no gimik today as well. Guess what? i still have work tomorrow. I just really hope this custom prosy season ends soon. I’m pretty tired. I couldn’t even think straight nor type words in its correct order. hay.

yesterday i stalked my super crush her ein thw work place. His office is at 15th floor, Ogilvys, where most often than not people are sizzling hot. He’s not straight but his looks could turn heterosexuals into gay men. Since October 2006, i usually look at him from a distance, but yesterday as we shared the same elevator, i smiled and gave him an interested look, fortunate enough he smiled and left as the elevator stopped at his floor. Whew.
Flirting sometimes does pay. hope to catch him on his next yosi break. I’d definitely talk to him:)

Count Down begins with a Side Dish

This post was one day late.. Yesterday marked the last 10 Days conservative coutn of this year’s Japan and Custom Proxy Season. Now it’s only 9!!! Yipee. tomorrow 8!! and so on. Can’t wait to break free of this stress and workaholic environment.

On my way to work yesterday, when i boarded of the jeepney to Champion-Laon Laan terminal for Ayala shuttles, i was lucky enough not to wait in line as one more seat is available at the back of a Mitsubishi adventure shuttle is waiting for me. I sat and paid my fare. The shuttle started to roll, and the flirt-venture.

I felt the shiver inside my denim pants, someone texted me. I pulled out my sun phone and saw a morning quote from a friend, then goes another vibration for my globe phone, another quote. So i decided to return the favor by sending quotes as well. I eventually got tired and tried to fall asleep on my way to the office. But i already felt there was not enough space between me and my seatmate at the shuttle. I didn’t mind it. It was a bumpy ride so my elbow rubbed with my seatmate’s elbow most of the time. And as i opened my eyes, he was staring at me. I looked at him with a blank face. I closed my eyes. zzzzzz….. i had a few moments of cat nap. Then i felt this guy is rubbing his elbows to my belly. I smiled as i looked at him. The two other guys in the shuttle in front of us smirked. I looked at them, they gave me a good smile. I closed my eyes. SI heard someone said hi, i opened my eyes, it was my seatmate. I said, Yes? he gave me a paper with his number on it. I took it, smiled and tried to doze off. One of the three guys with me at the back of the shuttle hailed the shuttle to stop at Pasong Tamo. As he went down the shuttle and before closing the door a post it flew beside my seat as i was about to hand it to him, the door was shut and he was gone. I stared at what is written and it’s a mobile number and a note TXT ME. i was surprised. Soon enough the other guy went down and before shouting Manong sa tabi na lang near Makati Post Office he asked if he could get my number i just sure. We exhcanged numbers. I didn’t save it. Im bad. hehehe. So it was my seatmate and me left, he started to chit chat and discuss that he is not an executive at SMART but leads his own team, blah blah blah. I just replied OK. When he was about to go down at JAkka building he offered coffee, but i resisted and said he would just text me. I said sure.

I’m in the office he called several times, i was too busy with my workload but he keeps on asking if i could go out for lunch with him. I declined. 10pm he called asking for dinner. Good thing im home already. Wheew.

What an adventurous day for me and a great start for my count down of busy season. But I couldn’t understand that at that time i feel i look like shit and harassed howcome three people i barely knew courageously took their chances of meeting me.

11:15 pm, still in the office. I’m tired now. Tomorrow will be among the last 8 days i’ll be overworked.

First Day High Phenomena

Disclaimer: Pasenxa na sa mix up, minsan nagiging inutil din ako… My apologies to dark knight and for the possible after math. Senxa na rin dark phoenix. Si trip kase e, pinasaya ako kagabi hahahah…. Anyway it has been edited.

15 minutes before independence day. Eyelids shutting down, diminishing sounds around, knocked off consciousness. Ring-vibrate-ring-vibrate. I opened my half asleep eyes as I reached for my mobile phone. It’s not my wake up alarm, someone is calling. No number. I ignored it. Closed my eyes again hoping to be in a state of trance and eventually fall asleep…

Earlier… Bid goodbye to my high school friends as the simple get-together-dinner prepared fo her birthday ended early. I was at home and laying flat on my back, a new friend I’ve found was hysterical because i was nowhere to be found for hours. Thanks to sun cellulars superb network coverage, many people dear or not dear to me comes to a panic-attack when i am nowhere to be found, all of them think I’m suicidal and something bad might have happened. Well, something did, my network coverage failed me once again. grr.. it’s a good thing i still have my globe. Hmm. I’ve just realized sometimes people are just morons, these people dear to me know my globe number as well but haven’t reached me there they sticked to my sun number. hahaha. and before i get lost of the main topic of this blog, my hysterical friend gave me a war-of-words over text messaging.

moving on… as i got pathetic last night and thought of MAF and sent a pethetic text i got no reply. As my eyes began to rest, someone was calling me that i failed to answer. I thought it was one of the acquainted sun-user texters, because my sun is diverted to my globe. But the call wasn’t divereted. I tried to sleep, but the curiosity haunted me. I decided to call him back using my sun number. Of all the person i thought, it was Dark PHOENIX.

My analytical skill started to work, this person almost knew everything about MAF and what happened between us, now that i was pathetic because i texted MAF once again he suddenly called. Is it a coincidence or whatever??? The moment we talked he cleared and answered my queries, as we conversed i realized, and so what if he and MAF is related. I had a blast talking to dark PHOENIX. It was very nice to know more about the people i see around the blogsphere. If you are curious what transpired during our talk, i would keep it private. But if you want you could ask dark PHOENIX himself.:)I was super amazed with dark knight’s humor, tact and ideologies. At the back of my mind, i’m certain that i would want to talk with him again. I dunno when but i hope we get to talk again.

On the topic of first day, i really dread living near the university belt. I commuted for almost two hours just to get in my office. First day of classes has its toll on the road. Why is it that during first day of school the streets are full of traffic? Hay. I hate this first day phenomena.

Thanks to dark PHOENIX who started my independence day with a smile and my sincere thanks to thetripper as we had our own conversation today double smiles for me. I’m getting to know more my online blog friends.:)

the insights i wanted to blog today had their own celebration of independence day, my heart once again overpowered and outruled my mind. Cguro masaya lang ako at i was able to make friends just by simply sharing who i really am through my blog.

Cheers to dark PHOENIX and Thetripper! see you around:)

Spoiled Weekends: A Recall of Night Out Trilogy

It’s a Sunday today and I’m at our office with the of my team mates. Grr. Japan season is one of the dreaded season of all proxy seasons in our company. Most often companies in Japan feels to have their annual meetings during June and it’s frustrating to finish all the analyses due. Anyway, this is not the one I have to blog about. Just wanted to pour out that my weekends are spoiled this June to give way to my responsibilities as an analyst. Oh well, they our company pays good but we deserve better. hehe.

In line with spolied weekends, my night life escapades are on a halt.

I went to three different clubs/bars last weekend and this friday night. And all of these places gave me some things to ponder on and understand more about the lives of PLUs.

June 1, 1130 Pm. With a PLU officemate, we arrived @ Palawan 2 bar located in New York, Cubao near Aurora Blvd.
The place wasn’t crowded yet when we arrive. The show of gay impersonators has started. The crowd favorite that night was an Ethel Booba gay look alike but have sharper edges. She impersonated most songs of Mariah Carey. Everyone cheered and laughed as she performed. I enjoyed the performance. In between the songs are some dance numbers of some cutie dancers. Hmm, i liked that too, but the beer price was the best. It’s 40 per bottle with some selections that offers a 4+1 bottle offer. I drank my share of 5 Colt Ice beers. Whew, i lived up once again to testimony of tired persons get easily drunk. The show was until 130-200 AM, after that house and trance music with few RNBs and dance hits resounds the this little haven. Then the magic begins. =) During the show, you could see discreet PLUs walking around checking out other PLUs. You could see someone smile and get rewarded by a smile or a nod. But there are also some few who seemed to be inexistent as other PLUs wil just give a blank face. ouch. i tried my luck, i smiled, someone smiled back. And another and another. Then i stopped and watched the show again. I was afraid that if i flirted more i might just get the blank look others have experienced. By 2 AM, the crowd dancing, some few observers like me, stayed on our seats and enjoyed the view of people dancing, smiling, chatting, meeting and possible hook up.
I met three guys who walked up to me as i sat and watched. The first one was a CPA somewhere in QC, he was conservative and said hope to see me again on XX(specific date). haha. The second one was 19 and was SUPER HOT, he asked for a dance and i gladly entertained him. Exchanged few information about ourselves but never dared to exchange numbers or try to hook up. We just enjoyed the company of each other. It was nice. It was pure fun and hang out. After the song we enjoyed dancing, both of us bid farewell with hopes of bumping to one another. As i get back to my seat, a hunky filipino guy approached me and said, “i thought you don’t dance? i’m interested, wanna dance?” He was a gwapong filipino and i wont deny i’m attracted but my mind told me not to further the happening. i Just smiled, bummed a smoked and offered him one, he just smiled and off he goes to another PLU. When i felt that im more than drank i asked my officemate to leave the premises. He was kind enough to take me home.
I realized, that fun is fun, and sex is sex. What you perceive to do is more often the one that happens. I just went out to have fun and i achieved it. Fun is different from sex. I don’t want hook ups by that time and nothing happened. It only proves that it isn’t all sex that happens in the PLU world.

June 2, 1030 Pm, With my College barkada, we found ourselves tired and bored of Timog, we drove all the way to Baclaran and visit an acquainted gay manager at a gay bar in Pasay. We are about to enter White Bird. The gay bar just celebrated it’s 7th anniversary last week and who would thought that this business could last for more than a year. hehehe. just kidding.
We sat, ordered our beers, drank only four san mig lights this time, i don’t want to be as drunk as last night. And the beer is 100 bucks a bottle inclusive of tax. Some good looking dancers made their alluring dance moves, they are great teasers i must say and three specific dancers gave me the anxious feeling of an emerging blood rush somewhere in my pants. I avoided to look at them in the eye so as not to be trapped and have them beside me as escort for the night. I failed, they are masters of seduction, i was almost trapped thanks to my college barkada who resisted as well of having table date thet night. As the show and bar gets hotter, guy dancers showed all the way exposing their full strecthed wangs while dancing and seducting. Their looks are not that outstanding but their members are way too unbelievable to be that ENORMOUS. hahaha. and before i forget, did i mention that the crowd was mostly girls? korean girls to be specific.

I realized that no PLUs or gay in the gay bar becuase they are practical. Why pay to see a wang, if you can get a hook up in PLU-friendly bars. Why pay 400 bucks to have a guy beside you and woudl pay another to taste him? If i am one of the owners of Gay club/bars i’d remodify teh program and create an aura welcoming the PLU crowd. fo sure it would be a classic hit.

June 8, 1030 Pm. After my college friends picked me up from my normal overtime stay at the office, we ate somewhere along Bonifacio High Street then went to Fort Strip particularly Glass Wing bar.
Just as the same, heterosexual crowds are usually boring, almost all carry a mask pretending to be someone else. no excitement, no fun, i was bored. The place is nice to hang out but not good enough to refresh and entertain me. I wished i didn’t come, someone i date got mad. oh well. that’s it for now.

And before i forget, is it Father’s day today or next sunday??? in any case, Happy father’s day to my dad and my uncles and grandpas. I must have fell short of being straight but i know i have given you the best thing a son could give. Cheers to all fathers, and shame to the father’s who are unfaithful or trippers. just kidding. no one is perfect. I love father trips. hehehe. u know what i mean.

As for now, i’ll be leaving the office. I’m tired. 7pm.